Chart Surfer Gifts

"This is what we recommend for motion sickness, due to the stockmarket's rollercoaster ride."

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

Moses on the web

"The batteries in his TV remote died. The shock of not being able to use it for two minutes has put him in a temporary state of shock."

Check your universal remote control at the door.

Stop! Stop what? Do not change the channel! Sex, death, harrowing footage of the most remarkable story you've ever seen, tattoos, rock-n-roll, action, action, action! It's all coming right up, right after this five second break for station identification. Five seconds ... You're watching Rock Television. And now back to our ... bored. Welcome to ABC. We've got thrills, action, more thrills ... Click. I've got your action right here. We've created a monster. Click click click click click cl-

TV-Man

'Our regular programs will not be seen tonight, because our Station Manager is in a 'Three Stooges' mood.'

"Uh-Oh..."

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

What are you in the mood to get confused watching tonight?

Alien uses astronaut's visor as TV to watch news.

'You don't want weather? Not a problem! How about sports, or maybe a nice movie? We can do that! Just put that thing down and let's talk, OK?'

'An encyclopedia? I don't know. Let's look up what it is on Wikipedia.'

"I will now fend off questions from the audience."

A guide to seasons in the North East

Business cartoon showing sales declining so much that they bounce off the floor.

'Ever since I started reading the newswpaper online, he's been bringing my computer to me.'

"Just how long has there been a maraschino cherry at the top of the organizational chart?"

"I'm sorry, JB, we still haven't worked out how we did it."

"Sorry, but there aren't enough life jackets to go around."

Pie Charts, Inc.

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

"And here is where we started putting profits before people."

It's only a remote, dear...if you want better programs you will need a wand.

Despite the economic downturn, sales are as good as ever.

Man rotates profit chart so it shows growth not loss.

'Now ask yourself Gerald, do we really need ALL these channels?'

How I met your mother

'Research shows that while the number of surfers is somewhat constant over the year, there is a sudden increase in casual bathers over Summer...'

"Dow's up!"

"We have reason to believe there may be some volatility in the fourth quarter."

'He gets confused switching channels between the World series and NFL games.'