Scripture Scout Gifts

"Before buying one, I thump it good!"

'They all want to play the star.'

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

'You just don't know when to stop, do you?'

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

Cleric with bible briefcase.

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

'If I'd known these programs were going to be so fake - I'd be psychic!'

"He was furiously reading the Bible before he died." "Looking for loopholes."

"Wow! That's some PowerPoint presentation."

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

'I think we're going to need an ANNOTATED edition.'

"We're in deep trouble... there are some people quoting back to us what we taught them."

"I have to ask you a few questions. I've written a screenplay. Would you read it?"

"The amendments are coming next week!"

'Oh, another thing, there'll be no more of this standing upright business, ok?'

"A reading from the first letter of Paul to the Corinthians..."

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

Moses comes down the mountain with the first silicon chip.

"You know, Father, they say the Old Testament is the new New Testament."

"For the last time Pharaoh, it's a plague, not global warming."

'Oh, I understand -- with the 'coveting' part, we can get everybody!'

"Then the angel Gabriel said to Joseph in a dream.. 'Behold, the virgin shall be with child and bear a son, and they shall call Him Emmanuel." "I thought His name was Jesus!?".

'But everybody does that stuff!'

"He never lets you forget that he had a cameo in the Old Testament."

Paul before Felix.