Scripture Scout T-Shirts

"Before buying one, I thump it good!"

'They all want to play the star.'

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

'You just don't know when to stop, do you?'

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

Cleric with bible briefcase.

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'

"He was furiously reading the Bible before he died." "Looking for loopholes."

'If I'd known these programs were going to be so fake - I'd be psychic!'

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

'I think we're going to need an ANNOTATED edition.'

"We're in deep trouble... there are some people quoting back to us what we taught them."

"I have to ask you a few questions. I've written a screenplay. Would you read it?"

"The amendments are coming next week!"

"You know, Father, they say the Old Testament is the new New Testament."

"For the last time Pharaoh, it's a plague, not global warming."

Moses comes down the mountain with the first silicon chip.

'Oh, another thing, there'll be no more of this standing upright business, ok?'

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

'Oh, I understand -- with the 'coveting' part, we can get everybody!'

'But everybody does that stuff!'

"He never lets you forget that he had a cameo in the Old Testament."

Computer literate Monk

Paul before Felix.