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Paul before Felix.

How the Apocrypha Came to Be

"Meet the scribe"

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

'You just don't know when to stop, do you?'

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

Cleric with bible briefcase.

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

"He was furiously reading the Bible before he died." "Looking for loopholes."

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

"Wow! That's some PowerPoint presentation."

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

'I think we're going to need an ANNOTATED edition.'

'Any chance these are available in paperback?'

"We're in deep trouble... there are some people quoting back to us what we taught them."

"The amendments are coming next week!"

"You know, Father, they say the Old Testament is the new New Testament."

"A reading from the first letter of Paul to the Corinthians..."

"Are you sure you need to make a large print version available?"

Moses comes down the mountain with the first silicon chip.

'Oh, another thing, there'll be no more of this standing upright business, ok?'

Jesus wept

"For the last time Pharaoh, it's a plague, not global warming."

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

'Oh, I understand -- with the 'coveting' part, we can get everybody!'

'But everybody does that stuff!'