Script Reading Gifts

"Line?"

Waiting Room For Godot.

'They all want to play the star.'

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

"I believe it was called 'cursive'."

'You say it's a dramedy? We thought it was more of a coma.'

"So, do you see yourself as a car valet who writes screenplays or a screen writer who parks cars?"

Hollywood producer.

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

'Personally, I love your script, but Rex is pretty certain he smells a bomb!'

Eugene Ionesco

"It's supposed to be a comedy, so I've had Steve, here, red-flag the funny parts."

"The script is flimsy, the action scenes implausible and the plot would insult the intelligence of a three year old."

"I have to ask you a few questions. I've written a screenplay. Would you read it?"

"He's left a suicide screenplay."

"What are they complaining about?... The local content is the audience...

"That script of yours - I've never read such a load of cliched second-rate crap...It'll make us rich..."

'It's 'big office' meets 'poorly-received flop'!'

"The character I'm playing has Alzheimer's disease. So, I'm bound to forget my lines occasionally!"

'A series based on made-up stories with actors following scripts? Preposterous.'

"And here - take this Vin Diesel monologue with you!"

Dear Diary

Hollywood Think Tank

"I’ve gotta tell you, there’s a lot of demand for a sequel."

Scrip Doctor

"Whatta you mean 'minor script changes?' It's supposed to be a western."

"If Neil Simon's going to keep writing them, we're going to keep seeing them."

"Just got the script from the focus group. Fabulous!"

Subtitles for the Stupid

"Sure, it's a little formulaic but I love it!"

Great script, great cinematography, great everything. But the whole 3D thing is lost on me.

"This isn't his audition...he's telling us about being an actor."

"I play the husband, but am promised a speaking part next time."