Script Decipherer Gifts

Pharmacist, prescriptions - "It's a forgery, I can read it."

Auditioning for Finnegans Wake.

"I believe it was called 'cursive'."

"Are you sure there wasn't a floor model?"

"And here is the very stone that finally enabled us to figure out what all those dogs and cats were saying."

Waiting Room For Godot.

"What part of oil lamp next to double squiggle over ox don't you understand?"

"I play the husband, but am promised a speaking part next time."

"This isn't his audition...he's telling us about being an actor."

"Let me guess: Step two, add sand."

Actors' dispute.

'Right there is where he departs from the script.'

Actor looks at script called The Sandi Toksvig Story. He says: 'It's not what I had in mind when I said I wanted to play the Dane.'

"I'm not sure she really liked our gift. She used just two exclamation points after 'Thanks'."

Dr. Harper had a special eye exam chart made for hieroglyphics professor patient.

"You'll be working entirely on commission. We were kidding about the salary."

'...we were able to hide some rather significant losses.'

'Now here's an Actor with real gravitas!'

"Richard has quite an ear for dialogue."

Maze of legalities.

"I'm afraid you'll have to speak to my agent!"

Never choose a vacation spot by its posters.

'This prescription looks as though the doctor wrote it in Greek.'

"I believe it translates to... have a nice day."

'I've never seen this symbol before. What could it mean?'

'These pamphlets will explain the procedure and these leaflets will explain the pamphlets.'

"What you need is a prescription. I'm giving you some...."

"I've called this meeting to inform you that I'm resigning my position as CEO. I've landed a sweet role on a very popular TV sitcom."

"Don't you know what happens to the naive blonde who goes into the dark cellar? Have you not read the script?"

Two tourists inspecting a French sign

"If we could decipher their language we'd have a clue to their intelligence levels."

Dept of statistics: 'vital...nonessential'.