Ancient Script Decipherer Gifts

"And here is the very stone that finally enabled us to figure out what all those dogs and cats were saying."

"What part of oil lamp next to double squiggle over ox don't you understand?"

Dr. Harper had a special eye exam chart made for hieroglyphics professor patient.

"What the...They wrapped me in toilet paper!"

"I believe it was called 'cursive'."

"Mark, you have to stop calling John's gospel 'Fan Fiction.'"

'Exams were harder before the Renaissance.'

"This is amazing! Roughly translated, it says 'King Tut was here o.k.'"

'It appears to be a kosher for Passover recipe.'

Waiting Room For Godot.

Books of Tablets

"This isn't his audition...he's telling us about being an actor."

"I play the husband, but am promised a speaking part next time."

'Will you guys be quiet? These walls are trying to tell me something!'

Actors' dispute.

Actor looks at script called The Sandi Toksvig Story. He says: 'It's not what I had in mind when I said I wanted to play the Dane.'

'Right there is where he departs from the script.'

'Now here's an Actor with real gravitas!'

Bertram de Born (The Divine Comedy).

"You'll be working entirely on commission. We were kidding about the salary."

'He knows a few words, but he can't really process them yet.'

"I'm not sure she really liked our gift. She used just two exclamation points after 'Thanks'."

Auditioning for Finnegans Wake.

"I'm afraid you'll have to speak to my agent!"

"It seems to be a grant application!"

'And don´t return until you find the shameless who took the tablet with the seventh commandment'

"Stuff the artist never wanted anyone to see is in the back."

Two tourists inspecting a French sign

"Don't you know what happens to the naive blonde who goes into the dark cellar? Have you not read the script?"

"I've called this meeting to inform you that I'm resigning my position as CEO. I've landed a sweet role on a very popular TV sitcom."

"Father, try writing on this papyrus. What you're doing is so ancient school."

Pharmacist, prescriptions - "It's a forgery, I can read it."

"This was a class in hieroglyphics as a second language."

'I got all woozy reading the restrictions in my health insurance contract!'

'One letter at a time.'