Script Legerdemain Gifts

That lovely summer day, Little Red Riding Hood decided to deviate from the script.

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

"More rescue efforts, less screenplay."

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

"Still suffering from writer's block?"

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

"I got those famous last words you wanted"

"I believe it was called 'cursive'."

'Everything is automatic. The coffee turns on at 7:00...They go to work at 7:25 and we go up and get in their bed.'

Script/Director/Producer/Decency Panel.

"So, do you see yourself as a car valet who writes screenplays or a screen writer who parks cars?"

Hollywood producer.

Mega Cosmic Films. It's about a squad of ninja nuns? Yes, we call it "Force of Habit"!

Ask Sadie! I just read an article where Daisy Ridley said J.J. Abrams wrote drafts for Episode VIII and Episode IX. And then Rian Johnson THREW THAT OUT and went a whole different direction. This makes me lose all faith in Star Wars. Am I overreacting? **Actual reader question. Excellent question. This reminds me of the time I saw Gone with the Wind on opening day. I was the invited guest of an elderly veteran of the Civil War. He couldn't stop yammering about how seceding from the union didn't

"It's supposed to be a comedy, so I've had Steve, here, red-flag the funny parts."

"I had that dream again where you're writing down all my fears and anxieties and working them into a screenplay."

"What are they complaining about?... The local content is the audience...

"He's left a suicide screenplay."

'Look on it as... constructive criticism.'

'Actually, the entire novel is a metaphor of me getting rich from the movie rights.'

'A series based on made-up stories with actors following scripts? Preposterous.'

'It's 'big office' meets 'poorly-received flop'!'

"Jose Rivera, who wrote the screenplay for 'The Motorcycle Diaries,' is the first Puerto Rican screenwriter to be nominated for an Oscar. He's known for incorporating his life experiences into his award-winning writing."

Waiting Room For Godot.

"Whatta you mean 'minor script changes?' It's supposed to be a western."

"Just got the script from the focus group. Fabulous!"

"Sure, it's a little formulaic but I love it!"

Subtitles for the Stupid

"No, Barbara, this wouldn't make a great 'Seinfeld' episode!"

"I play the husband, but am promised a speaking part next time."

"For his next picture, my client wants creative control, script approval, and a percentage of the gross. Is that clear?"

"This isn't his audition...he's telling us about being an actor."

Write a Screenplay

Actor looks at script called The Sandi Toksvig Story. He says: 'It's not what I had in mind when I said I wanted to play the Dane.'

Actors' dispute.