Script Legerdemain Gifts

That lovely summer day, Little Red Riding Hood decided to deviate from the script.

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

"More rescue efforts, less screenplay."

"I got those famous last words you wanted"

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

"Still suffering from writer's block?"

"I believe it was called 'cursive'."

'Everything is automatic. The coffee turns on at 7:00...They go to work at 7:25 and we go up and get in their bed.'

"So, do you see yourself as a car valet who writes screenplays or a screen writer who parks cars?"

Hollywood producer.

Script/Director/Producer/Decency Panel.

"I had that dream again where you're writing down all my fears and anxieties and working them into a screenplay."

"It's supposed to be a comedy, so I've had Steve, here, red-flag the funny parts."

"He's left a suicide screenplay."

"What are they complaining about?... The local content is the audience...

'Actually, the entire novel is a metaphor of me getting rich from the movie rights.'

'Look on it as... constructive criticism.'

Waiting Room For Godot.

'A series based on made-up stories with actors following scripts? Preposterous.'

'It's 'big office' meets 'poorly-received flop'!'

"Whatta you mean 'minor script changes?' It's supposed to be a western."

"I play the husband, but am promised a speaking part next time."

"No, Barbara, this wouldn't make a great 'Seinfeld' episode!"

"Sure, it's a little formulaic but I love it!"

"For his next picture, my client wants creative control, script approval, and a percentage of the gross. Is that clear?"

"This isn't his audition...he's telling us about being an actor."

"Just got the script from the focus group. Fabulous!"

Subtitles for the Stupid

Write a Screenplay

Actor looks at script called The Sandi Toksvig Story. He says: 'It's not what I had in mind when I said I wanted to play the Dane.'

Actors' dispute.

'We have the ideas for product placement and now all we need is the script.'