Screening Savvy Gifts

Mammogram

"The prostate biopsy shows your pain threshold is much higher than normal."

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

'There's nothing on.'

'With the increase in hacking, the I.T. department has proposed sealing all of our data in blister packs.'

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

Remember . . . If at first you do succeed, make sequels!'

Men's Health Screenings.

Triceratops watching television with satellite dish made from own horns.

'I don't understand your question. Could you restate it as an answer?'

To get past the gates of Heaven you have to now enter an internet style password

"We advised viewer discretion and they all decided not to watch."

Cinema. Save me a seat, dear, behind you.

Have you seen my iPhone? No. You lost it? I may have misplaced it. Big deal. You hate it. It'll turn up. Exactly, I hate it. I absolutely hate it. I especially hate the Scrabble app and I absolutely can't wait to find the phone so I can mock it further! Help: I love my iPhone. Oh dear. Trouble brewing. To be continued ...

Portrait artist drawing DNA patterns.

"They say it's the first sign of aging - not being able to keep up with new technology."

'You can't beat the old style security systems!'

"This is Sally Whitgart on TV -- We now switch you to Bart Fribledale on the Internet...."

"Shakespeare wants to kill off the leads and destroy any franchise potential. I tell you these artist types can never see the big picture."

Smile you're on camera! You're also on my podcast!

'We in the intelligence community have got to start ta.........I've already said too much.'

'Forget the birds and the bees. I downloaded that from the Internet. Tell me about day trading.'

"I agree, a national conversation on privacy is wait! Yum...I've gotta share these pix!"

"Going out to play? Get back to the computer and start e.gaming!"

"There must be an app for this..."

"This is going a lot smoother than we anticipated."

"Jane's internal monologue is 'Hamlet'."

'This is the only secure line in the building.'

"Dad, how do you become a TV reporter?"

"I know this movie just came out today. But it's been on the Internet for over a month."

Password must contain at least one hieroglyph.

"Were you referred to us by your doctor or publicist?"

'Nice try, Mom! They're pinking shears.'

Screen Addiction