Showbiz Savvy Gifts

"Mostly Mozart, nothing. It's all Mozart or no Mozart."

"And now I have a few trick questions."

Remember . . . If at first you do succeed, make sequels!'

Showbiz Awards

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

Even more of what people say (and what they really mean)

Online Dating

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

"We both see Ben as this summer's breakout child."

"#BeCurious"

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

"Ugh—someone in the group chat must have seen a squirrel."

'Miss Finch, find out what she does over there and offer her twice as much to do it over here.'

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

Victorian Selfie

Music Hall Dancers

"So you're interested in medicine, public relations, business, contract negotiations and insurance law? Which one will you study in school?"

'It's not what you think. It's not about our liberation.'

"I already have the perfect hashtag!"

"Is it 'Measure once, cut twice?' Or 'Cut once, then measure?' Or maybe it's..."

The 24-Hour Celebrities Doing Something Stupid Channel.

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

Toenail clipping missile.

'I'm not a magician, but I do keep live doves in my pants.'

"Face it - in this town, either you're a star or you're just another brown dwarf."

'What a strange episode -- they just voted Ricardo Montalban off the island!'

Animal Actors

"When did you first notice you were larger than life?"

'I don't understand your question. Could you restate it as an answer?'

'From here I can monitor world stocks, or attend overseas teleconferences, unfortunately I can't get out though because the door's stuck.'

'I don't mind playing dead. But what I would really like to do is direct.'