Scotch Drinker T-Shirts

"I drink scotch and smoke Cubans because I'm a young Turk."

Like, Latte. So that's a vanilla almond with soy, extra foam, whipped cream, nutmeg, and caramel. Leave room for coffee?

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

7 Dwarves of Retirement

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

'Would you care to see our wine list, water list, soda list, tea list, coffee list, single malt scotch list, or beer list?'

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

'Not only was the superbug immune to antibiotics, but it had developed a taste for Dr Jones' whisky.'

3 Pointless Things To Do At Christmas: Add a little festivity to your favourite fast food/Look up an old friend/Murder the Scotch.

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

"Nice try, but I don't think whisky counts as an 'essential medication'."

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

Milton wonders if it would be possible to substitute scotch and sex for tea and sympathy.

"I may be an aged whiskey, but inside I still feel like a fresh ear of corn!"

"We'd like to do a song that will barely penetrate your consciousness as you continue to enjoy those faddish cigars and single-malt scotches."

'As soon as I mention Nietzsche - stop serving me, okay.'

I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it? No. What if I drank scotch and smoked a cigar and listened to vinyl records and grew a big lumberjack beard? It's what all the hipsters are doing. You're not a hipster. I'm at least a kneester. At most you're a keister.

Blue Blazer Cocktail.

'Another Scotch?'

"For the perfect sedative, take the juice from a bottle of whisky..."

'This low-alcohol beer doesn't taste bad with a scotch in it.'

"Is that neat whisky?"

The Angel's Share

Welcome to Scotland...

Beethoven's 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th and Fifth.

"Scotch and water, *hic* scotch and water..."

"He was 95. The doctors reckon it was either the bacon, the beer, the whiskey, the smoking, the wine, the steaks, the coffee, the butter, the biscuits or just too much sunshine that finally did him in."

"Keep a television remote zapper handy along with a bottle of scotch whisky."

You can kiss me later

'It's a taste I think I can say I've acquired.'

"You'll have to have it neat, sir. We're running out of ice."

'Water is a valuable good and we should use it sparingly. That's why I'd like my Scotch straight.'

Monarch of the Glenmorangie