Whiskey Drinker T-Shirts

'Honest, MacDuff — I was only trying Irish whiskey!'

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

'We like the occasional drink on the patio.'

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

Join me in a Martini?

"I'm afraid our drinking water isn't pure."

Trump Poutine

Bernstein's got himself a driverless club

A cat pours himself a gin and tonic.

7 Dwarves of Retirement

Al, why is my goldfish zigzagging? Perhaps sharing my beer with him was a case of misplaced generosity on my part.

"I know my drinking limits.The problem is that I can never reach them - I simply fall down."

God taking iceburgs with ice tongs for his whisky.

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

The Reaper's Arms

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

"Honestly, Paula, I don't know what I'd do without our daily keggers."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

'Looks like a good day fah haulin' lobstah, eh, Pauley?...Let's just say it became a good day fah drinkin'...'

'She thinks I'm out every night training for the London Marathon.'

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

"So, Danny Boy, what's up in your world?"

"The Ususal, Mr. B?"

'Beer's more than just a food -- it's a comfort food!'

Is your glass half full or half empty? Who cares, fill her up!

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single malt."

"I opened the last of the emergency wine."

"You're looking a bit RUFF this morning."

'Not only was the superbug immune to antibiotics, but it had developed a taste for Dr Jones' whisky.'

Whiskey wars

"I asked for a bottle of something that would make men drool over me. This is bourbon."

Wine at the Bar

'Whiskey and splash, sir.'

Milton wonders if it would be possible to substitute scotch and sex for tea and sympathy.