Scotch Drinker Gifts

"I drink scotch and smoke Cubans because I'm a young Turk."

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

'Would you care to see our wine list, water list, soda list, tea list, coffee list, single malt scotch list, or beer list?'

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

'Not only was the superbug immune to antibiotics, but it had developed a taste for Dr Jones' whisky.'

"We'd like to do a song that will barely penetrate your consciousness as you continue to enjoy those faddish cigars and single-malt scotches."

Milton wonders if it would be possible to substitute scotch and sex for tea and sympathy.

"I may be an aged whiskey, but inside I still feel like a fresh ear of corn!"

3 Pointless Things To Do At Christmas: Add a little festivity to your favourite fast food/Look up an old friend/Murder the Scotch.

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

'As soon as I mention Nietzsche - stop serving me, okay.'

Welcome to Scotland...

The Angel's Share

"For the perfect sedative, take the juice from a bottle of whisky..."

'Another Scotch?'

"Is that neat whisky?"

'This low-alcohol beer doesn't taste bad with a scotch in it.'

Blue Blazer Cocktail.

Beethoven's 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th and Fifth.

"Scotch and water, *hic* scotch and water..."

"You'll have to have it neat, sir. We're running out of ice."

You can kiss me later

"Keep a television remote zapper handy along with a bottle of scotch whisky."

'It's a taste I think I can say I've acquired.'

'Water is a valuable good and we should use it sparingly. That's why I'd like my Scotch straight.'

Monarch of the Glenmorangie

"There's no secret formula. I basically just pour scotch over ice."