Scotch Enthusiast Gifts

"Swift Boat Veterans for Scotch"

'No, she's not my wife, but throw in a bottle of scotch and I'll take her off your hands.'

'Water is a valuable good and we should use it sparingly. That's why I'd like my Scotch straight.'

'This low-alcohol beer doesn't taste bad with a scotch in it.'

'Yes, recommended by one out of ten doctors.'

"For decades we lemmings have been jumping off cliffs. I don't want to do that, I want to drown myself in 40 year old scotch."

"Wine?! Laddie, he'll have my attention when he can change water into Scotch!"

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

Join me in a Martini?

"I'm afraid our drinking water isn't pure."

Trump Poutine

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

'Would you care to see our wine list, water list, soda list, tea list, coffee list, single malt scotch list, or beer list?'

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

'Not only was the superbug immune to antibiotics, but it had developed a taste for Dr Jones' whisky.'

"Hey, who wants to hear a great single-malt story."

3 Pointless Things To Do At Christmas: Add a little festivity to your favourite fast food/Look up an old friend/Murder the Scotch.

Milton wonders if it would be possible to substitute scotch and sex for tea and sympathy.

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

"We'd like to do a song that will barely penetrate your consciousness as you continue to enjoy those faddish cigars and single-malt scotches."

"Nice try, but I don't think whisky counts as an 'essential medication'."

'Whiskey and splash, sir.'

"Whiskey...Leave the bottle."

Which Hogwarts house are you?

The Babe calls his shot.

'Another Scotch?'

Whiskey Bottle - Well it doesn't look like a paperweight to me.

Welcome to Scotland...

'If you don't start feeling better in 24 hours, pour yourself a tall scotch.'

'I'm very sorry, sir. Even for stressed out bankers, whiskey and gin aren't tax-deductible expenses.'

"Is that neat whisky?"

"For the perfect sedative, take the juice from a bottle of whisky..."

Blue Blazer Cocktail.

The Angel's Share

Scotch and soda on a drip.