Scorpion Lover Gifts

The Self-Regulation of the Press.

'That'll teach the pesky python to be greedy and eat all my chickens!'

Burmese pythons discussing a complete invasion.

"You can’t just go up the waterspout whenever you hear something you don’t like!"

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

The Awful Lawfuls Chapter 10

'Oh don't worry, we had him defanged.'

"For my next trick, I'll need a volunteer, a fake knife, and a mirrored box with a secret compartment."

"Sorry, Pal. Sometimes nature's not very pretty."

"Okay! Okay! It's a draw!"

"I'm not trying to be cool, I'm just making sure the crocodile hunters won't see my eyes reflected in their searchlight..."

The next damn Batman.

The Music Critic.

'Looks like the soup comes with flies.'

'I know what you're thinking.'

'He followed me home. Can I keep him?'

Danger Noodle tho bored

"Now, cover your second, fourth and seventh eyes and read the next line."

'I swear, you kids get better costumes every year! Where's your trick-or-treat bag?'

Spider Press-Ups

'Boy it's hot today: Let's go and sting a snake to cool down...'

"You bought a dog? We've enough mouths to feed already!"

'This is DESTROYING my manicure, Steve!'

Mister Bundles VS. The Martians - Part Twenty One

'One day son, all this will be yours!'

Shrimp cook

At Mary Higgins Clark's book club.

Woman taking keys of her husband who has been eaten by a snake.

'How much longer are you two going to practice the theme music from 'Psycho'?'

Do' you have the time?'

Prosthetic snake.

'Doc, I'm plagued with eggeating snakes!'

'I was never good a this game. The pieces keep slithering away!'

Spider Exhibit. It says spiders can have hundreds of children at the same time. No wonder they climb the walls! (Published originally on July 23, 2002.)

Did you clean the loose snakes out of the shower drain? Medusa's husband.