Science Satirists Gifts

Large Hadron Colliider-scope

'Celestial music, my eye. We were just picking up some FM station in Vienna.'

To an observer approaching the speed of light, Einstein and his surroundings appear to be tall and thin.

You've discovered how elderly dudes can keep picking up chicks? I've amended Giacomo's Theorem, yes. The pickup number is now direction proportional to age in instances where charm is also directly proportional to age. Journals from Milan to Vegas are publishing my findings. Of course, there's one flaw in my theory. Hold that thought, I feel some gas coming on. It won't apply to most dudes.

Wheels are good, but I'm going into pure research.

"I'm sorry, but we can't go out. I'm a creationist and you are a lump of coal. I....I just don't believe in carbon dating."

Studying the effects of little white coats on laboratory rats.

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

'Enjoy your meal! We grow everything ourselves!'

'Teenagers!'

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'

'I couldn't think of a science fair project so I just re-invented the wheel.'

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

"Up here, light is neither a particle nor a wave. It's a liquid."

Einstein develops his theories that time is relative while ordering at a fast food restaurant.

'Still think nuclear testing is harmless?'

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

Strainspotting

"Do you remember when we used to put FOOD in food?"

"It's just one monkey at one typewriter, but we've given him an infinite need for validation."

"Can you stop complaining about historical inaccuracy and try to enjoy yourself for one minute?"

"The blood test will take a couple of days, but I'm pretty sure it's just ketchup."

"And now, speaking against the theory of evolution..."

Publisher. "The Laws of Motion " is a little dry for a title, Mr. Newton. How about something catchier like "When Push Comes to Shove"?

'Einstein's blackboard as he left it'

'I'm an atheist!'

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

"They've got me doing cosmetics research."

So You've Cloned Yourself

"I'll tell you, mock jury duty beats cancer testing."

Evolution Of The Jet Ski

They still don't get it, do they? They can't see we're aping them!

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

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