Science Satire Gifts

"I hope you work out better than my last roommate. He had backaches, dizziness, and an erection that lasted four hours."

"Do you even know how long it's been since you last poked and prodded me?"

'How many quarks in a gallon again?'

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

'Enjoy your meal! We grow everything ourselves!'

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'

'I couldn't think of a science fair project so I just re-invented the wheel.'

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

"Up here, light is neither a particle nor a wave. It's a liquid."

Einstein develops his theories that time is relative while ordering at a fast food restaurant.

"Walking erect is very trendy now."

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

'Still think nuclear testing is harmless?'

"I'm going to get you fired."

"Do you remember when we used to put FOOD in food?"

Strainspotting

I told you we were late!

"Can you stop complaining about historical inaccuracy and try to enjoy yourself for one minute?"

"And now, speaking against the theory of evolution..."

"I have good news and bad news about your cat, Dr Schrodinger..."

Publisher. "The Laws of Motion " is a little dry for a title, Mr. Newton. How about something catchier like "When Push Comes to Shove"?

'Einstein's blackboard as he left it'

'I know it's controversial, but my calculations prove beyond doubt that a nod is BETTER than a wink.'

"The blood test will take a couple of days, but I'm pretty sure it's just ketchup."

Brian surgeon squeezing brains from a tube.

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

"They've got me doing cosmetics research."

So You've Cloned Yourself

Evolution Of The Jet Ski

"I'll tell you, mock jury duty beats cancer testing."

They still don't get it, do they? They can't see we're aping them!

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

'Today we will lock the monkey in a room...' 'Why do I volunteer for this?'