Science Hoax Fan Gifts

"Ladies and gentlemen! We have a correlation!"

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

Figures from 'Ascent of Man' diagram all do the Conga: 'Let's all fo the Conga, na-na-na-na ...'

"Would you please step back to the machine while I make an adjustment?"

The Food Chain

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

"Walking erect is very trendy now."

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

I told you we were late!

"I'm going to get you fired."

Think Tank

"I have good news and bad news about your cat, Dr Schrodinger..."

'I know it's controversial, but my calculations prove beyond doubt that a nod is BETTER than a wink.'

Brian surgeon squeezing brains from a tube.

''Science moves but slowly, slowly, creeping on from point to point'. Tennyson.'

So You've Cloned Yourself

"No son of mine is going into entomology."

'Galileo, I said a right at the corner and then a left.'

"Actually, not all roses are red. Sometimes they're white as well as numerous other colours. Also I think you'll find that violets are sort of purple..."

"Pavlov's dog: Friday night"

The life of penguins.

'Today we will lock the monkey in a room...' 'Why do I volunteer for this?'

'Yes Ma'am, we're from the Governement: We need samples for scientific testing...'

Scientific Research: 'Uh...why'd it take'em 20 yeahs t' figyah that out?'

Brilliance runs in my family, but in a zig-zag pattern.

'You knew I was a mad scientist when you married me!'

Another Screw-up at the Genetics lab. FLASH! What idiot thought of putting a firefly gene in an elephant?!

When it comes to health issues, I'd rather listen to a physician than a spin doctor.

'Fred, rumor has it you're closing in on some profound, elemental truth about the universe, and I wanted to remind you that our research funding specifically prohibits that!'

'Max really likes those genetic markers.'

Reviewing a Scientific Paper - Etiquette for References.

"Some dinosaurs died out more quickly than others" "You want some?"

'He's making tremendous progress. last week he had three tails.'

"We should never have committed binary fission!"

"Pavlov's Blog."