Science Joke Fan Gifts

'I'd better run some tests... It could be cancer.'

"Is that it? Is that the Grand Unified Theory?"

"Sorry no half portions - at least that's the quantum theory."

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

"Would you please step back to the machine while I make an adjustment?"

Extinction of the dinosaurs fully explained

The Food Chain

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

"Walking erect is very trendy now."

'But Timmy, you have to eat your antibiotics, or you'll never become a big and strong bacteria.'

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

"I'm going to get you fired."

Dog forced to return bone

'I know it's controversial, but my calculations prove beyond doubt that a nod is BETTER than a wink.'

"I have good news and bad news about your cat, Dr Schrodinger..."

Brian surgeon squeezing brains from a tube.

"Just a harmless little genetic experiment," they said. Yeah, right...

"I said to make a thousand CLONES."

"...I think we've found the missing link!"

'Galileo, I said a right at the corner and then a left.'

The life of penguins.

"Pavlov's dog: Friday night"

It's an experiment.

"Are you sure this is a 'Flu virus?" "See for yourself...it's nose is running!"

'I don't KNOW what I'm doing -- this is pure research!'

'One placebo or two, doctor?'

'What makes you think we have a radiation leak?'

'Today we will lock the monkey in a room...' 'Why do I volunteer for this?'

Physics Improv. "I now vill be taking suggestions from ze audience..."

'You knew I was a mad scientist when you married me!'

How Patrick Moore chooses a hotel..."Hmmm four stars".

Scientific Research: 'Uh...why'd it take'em 20 yeahs t' figyah that out?'

'Don't you hate it when they look BACK at you?'

'That's interesting -- I seem to have discovered the gene that makes people want to become geneticists.'

'Yes Ma'am, we're from the Governement: We need samples for scientific testing...'