Sci-fi Comedy Club Gifts

'Things haven't been the same since the alien abduction.'

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

'Ok, here comes farmer Brown, put these on and remember.......act natural!'

'Oh, nothing's wrong -- I just expected Earthlings to be taller, that's all.'

"If we only repeat what humans say whenever they're nearby... they won't realize we're aliens plotting to take over the planet."

Dr. Roo.

"Don't be sad, Bud. These decisions are so political."

'Look behind you. . . Just kidding.'

Mister Bundles VS. The Martians - Part Twenty Six

"Underweird bras."

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

"They certainly are jolly creatures aren't they?"

New hyper-realistic Star Trek

"Wow! - Do all Earth people look as tasty as YOU do?"

'Let me get this clear. You want me to give you paternity leave before the baby is born.'

"Ooops...wrong doctor !"

"Ready. Aim. Pew! Pew!"

'They are boneless, I didn't say anything about beaks.'

'These are my 'golfing socks'... there's a hole in one!'

"Sorry about all the talk of annihilation - that was just Keith getting carried away."

"It all seems a bit munch of a munchness."

'... and in a startling development, 5 Supreme Court decisions were overturned by Judge Judy...'

'Don't start an argument - you know how you hate intravenous feeding.'

The chefs were helping local actors who were tired of having short roles... by giving them a long loaf!

'9K a year!? It's an outrage! At my level of attendance that's 3K per lecture!'

"It's not you. It's pea."

"I Can't Dance... The Doctor Accidentally Gave Me Two Left Feet!"

"I want to report a race crime.'

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

Mister Bundles VS. The Martians - Part Seventeen

'We are banned from reporting inside that country, so instead our correspondent joins us from the Dog and Duck, just around the corner.'

Ok, I know a sarcastic slow clap when I hear one.

"He seems to have done a complete turnaround."

Hamlet