Sci-fi Comedy Club Pillows

'Things haven't been the same since the alien abduction.'

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

'Ok, here comes farmer Brown, put these on and remember.......act natural!'

'Oh, nothing's wrong -- I just expected Earthlings to be taller, that's all.'

"If we only repeat what humans say whenever they're nearby... they won't realize we're aliens plotting to take over the planet."

'Look behind you. . . Just kidding.'

"Don't be sad, Bud. These decisions are so political."

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

"Underweird bras."

"Ooops...wrong doctor !"

'They are boneless, I didn't say anything about beaks.'

"Wow! - Do all Earth people look as tasty as YOU do?"

"Ready. Aim. Pew! Pew!"

'Let me get this clear. You want me to give you paternity leave before the baby is born.'

"Sorry about all the talk of annihilation - that was just Keith getting carried away."

'These are my 'golfing socks'... there's a hole in one!'

'... and in a startling development, 5 Supreme Court decisions were overturned by Judge Judy...'

The chefs were helping local actors who were tired of having short roles... by giving them a long loaf!

'Don't start an argument - you know how you hate intravenous feeding.'

'9K a year!? It's an outrage! At my level of attendance that's 3K per lecture!'

"I Can't Dance... The Doctor Accidentally Gave Me Two Left Feet!"

"It's not you. It's pea."

"I want to report a race crime.'

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

"I got cut off by a red sports car!"

"This is why I told you not to name it."

'He's lying about either a fish or his penis.'

"He seems to have done a complete turnaround."