Schoolyard Sage Gifts

'I want my mommy.'

"If wisdom comes with age, what are we doing here at eight and a half?"

"When I said to fight back, I didn't realize the school bully you were referring to was the principal!"

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

"Finally, after years of work, irrefutable proof that I'm a nerd."

'Unbelievable: My cowboy expects me to drop everything and come running when he whistles...'

School. Report Card. You couldn't name the presidents and flunked history? Yeah -- It's not what you know, it's who you know.

'No! Forging a note from your parents does not count as creative writing!'

Academics At The Beach: The Old Man And The Sea

'When investment bankers give parental advice'

"By reading my note, you acknowledge having read and agreed to my Privacy Policy and Terms of Use."

"William Blake said you can see the whole world in a grain of sand, but he doesn't always make a lot of sense."

"Getting into a fight is one thing, but did you have to get into a class-clearing brawl?"

"I got all 'Cs', but I call that an 'A' report card...'A' for 'Average.'"

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

"Quantum Physics"? How am I going to learn all of this stuff? A bit at a time?

"You said mindfulness could help us do well on the test, so I filled it up with as much as I could last night."

Don't you see, Kreutzer? That's why we have all this literature. So you won't duplicate an experiment that's already been done, and there's no reason at all why you should be duplicating Smedly's experiments. After all, he shares a lab with you.

Will eat your homework for $.

A book reviewer reads between the margins.

“Hands, Rachel. Clap your hands. Why on earth would I say, ‘If you’re happy and you know it, slap Sam’?”

'Bad news on Wall Street. The entire stock market has been downgraded to a 'junk' classification.'

'My teacher said the school has tough new standards and I need to improve my vocabulary. What's 'vocabulary'?'

I rule by fear.

'I'm finally at one with the universe...but apparently that doesn't include the DOW.'

I miss recess!

Melissa's Mark Prediction Service

"Looks like the high tech shares have taken another fall."

A Grade Two student explains why he is so eager to get back to school.

'Stewart, why is the handwriting on your mom's last two attendance notes different?'

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

'First she called my mother, and then she called Santa.'

"How was first grade? I don't know yet. I spent all day in the Principal's office."

'What did the fund manager say to the investment advisor?'

"You've done it - you've come up with the perfect password."