Schooling Gifts

'No, Adam, 'awesome' is not an acceptable choice of what you want to be when you grow up.'

'...And that should cover all my rules for the class.'

"Should we put down what we think is right, or what we think you think is right?"

'First, you have to get their attention.'

"Mr. Wickers called me 'gifted' in front of the whole class. I'm ruined."

'Son, your teacher told me that you're having trouble focusing and other things that I zoned out on...'

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN, 'It's okay, I guess, but they sure hassle you about compliance!'

"Well, for starters, Matt has been showing definite improvement in risk-taking."

"Now, remember, be the yourself we talked about."

"Getting good grades isn't enough, son. You also need to bring in new clients."

Concert goers form a line to see The Mathematics.

'I am doing some retraining.'

"Why in the world do they call this approach 'cooperative learning'?"

'I know I can train them to be thoughtful productive citizens if I can ever get past sit.'

'Watch out for her. She lets you do all the talking.'

'I want you to text message 100 times, 'I will not text message in class.''

"Don't you worry about me. I'll be fine, as long as you keep working."

"The hardest part of homework is keeping my parents motivated."

Glum parents read document. Woman says: 'The number of parents who can make any sense of league tables has fallen by 0.5 of a per cent.'

'OK, it's a new season, so I want to see some hustle out there!'

In A Just World

'How was school today?', 'Too much information!'

'How come the History Channel is so interesting and my history class is so boring?'

"It's a note from the bus driver about sugar highs."

'Alex, you get a gold star. Colin, you get the, uhm, border around the stars.'

Who...what...why...when...where...whatever...

"When I was your age I had to carry a backpack that weighed a ton. You only have to carry a flash drive."

"We've created a safe, nonjudgmental environment that will leave you child ill-prepared for real life."

'Yes, I did accept an apple from my third-grader, Billy Smith, but there was no quid-pro-quo.'

'Of course, like everything for kids, some assembly is required.'

'Our school computers are one year old. How can we be competitive in the job market if we're being trained on obselete equipment?'

All Harold's aptitude test showed is that he had an aptitude for taking tests.

'Lincoln Standardized Test Center - formerly Lincoln High School'

"My virtual pet at my online report."

'I would probably do a lot better if you would just teach me stuff I already know.'