Schools Gifts

Ethics exam cheater.

'My finger's stopped bleeding. I must have run out of blood.'

Life In Grade A.

'Were there any new buzzwords created while I was out to lunch.'

'I hope that is not too much of an inconvenience for you, but I'm desperate to hold on to good teachers.'

'The meeting was cancelled after an outbreak of contagious yawning.'

'Don't worry, the first thirty years of teaching are the hardest.'

'I couldn't do my term paper because they've never made a movie about Rutherford B. Hayes.'

"You weren't laid off...it's called Summer break."

What a coincidence! I'm a teacher in an inner-city comprehensive too.

Education! Education! Education!

'Fluffy's first and last day as an exchange student' - "Okay everyone, playtime!"

"It's one thing for the National Commission to comment on the quality of teaching in our schools. It's another thing entirely for you to stand up and call Mr. Costello a yo-yo."

'Not without your helmet, you're not!'

'The good news is we were able to remove the homework from his stomach. The bad news is, your kid can't write worth a damn.'

'I'll need a note from the aliens who abducted you to excuse your absence.'

Lice outbreak at Jungle High (lion with a shaved head).

'Trade you my Doggie Cola for tour Toilet Water Drink Box.'

"Mom told me not to bring home another bad report card. Help me bury this."

'My job is to challenge young minds. Please try to cooperate, so that I don't lose mine.'

'I will now read the results of my experiments in fruit genetics. . .'

"Ahh! You must be little David's father."

"I don't mind them counting the days 'til school's out, but I wish they wouldn't do it on their fingers."

"If your certificate is removed, are you unable to teach?"

'It says, 'if you can read this, you're too close'.'

Cleaning student lockers.

"I'm keeping you back after school!"

'Look, we were really misled about how cool you were...Would you mind sitting at another table?'

'If you consider the time spent with tech support, our school's high-speed internet access isn't that much faster than dial-up.'

"Extreme? Maybe. But I have the best behaved school in the district."

'I work at a school's Lost Property Office: I track down the owners of lost items...'

'Congratulations son! You've got into your first choice school.'

'Good. That'll make our jobs a lot easier.'

'Look. They're playing with the toy they took away from me.'

It could be worse -- there could be 35 teachers for every student