Education Gifts

Quiz for dogs.

Zumma Cum Laude

"An excellent defense. Let's give her the doctorate."

"I believe that's a Montessori school."

Learning Curve

Principal: 'Is THERE a DOCTORATE in the House?!'

'It's not an accounting breakthrough, Sam. It's wrong.'

'I forgot the question.'

"Those who don't study history are doomed to repeat it. Yet those who do study history are doomed to stand by helplessly while everyone else repeats it."

'I found some information in this book for my school paper. How do I click 'print'?'

"I wonder whazt kind of super powers he possesses?"

'Ms. Peters, hold all calls. I'm busy implementing yet another hastily conceived and unproven education innovation.'

"Dad, the dean has gone over your financial statement, and he doesn't think you're working up to your full potential."

"My name is Mr. Collins. I'll be teaching you English literature, and I'm armed."

"I want you to know that the school board is very pleased with your efforts to make this new budget work."

Teacher to school inspector, "It's multi cultural and an oil drum around the neck keeps the little buggers out of mischief."

"Daddy works in a magical, faraway land called Academia."

Gone Lecturin'

Gag t-shirt for Mensa members.

'I'm sorry Mrs. Jackson, but when you've become as excellent of a teacher as you are, you've forfeited your right to retire.'

A classroom full of young children; a schedule board in the background lists the day's activities which include: circle time, art fun, snack and S.A.T. prep.

'How will THIS ever apply to my real life?'

"What the hell happened in P.E.?"

E=mc2 on mountaintop.

'Ooops! My mistake. That was the yearly budget estimate, no the monthly estimate.'

"Now, just to review, at the last faculty meeting we established that Marcia hates Fred, Fred hates Carol and Marcia, Carol really can't stand Larry, Larry despises me, and I hate Larry, Marcia, Fred and Penny."

'She's a new school principal with 'old school' principles.'

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

Washington Crossing the Delaware, Having Been Invited to Join the Faculty at Princeton

I couldn't remember who the dickens wrote David Copperfield and Oliver Twist.

'I had no idea aspirin came in such a large bottle.'

"So, if I'm the only art teacher, does that mean I'm head of the department?"

'Okay this test is scheduled for three hours, Fruit fly, you can be excused if you need to die,'

"Before I was Socrates, I was Socrates the adjunct professor struggling to get tenure."

'Before our principal addresses the faculty, there's something important that has to be said.'