School Tales Aficionado Gifts

'Yep, I did eat his homework, but he begged me to.'

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

'Where was the TSA?'

Don Quixote

Eurydice is bitten by a snake

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

Falstaff

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

'Second grade. When did you discover 'LMNOP' wasn't one letter?'

"I figure I have about 20 years of school to go."

Jacques et Jille

"It's true, mommy...the chocolate bunny attacked me - it was self-defense!"

'Come on Jill, they say the water's well good.'

'How do you like that? We just get through the alphabet and she starts hauling in the heavy artillery!'

"Just go ahead. It's my last day here and I hate this place."

Drug Testing Unit: 'Uh Oh!'

"I was kicked out from another kid's bed. Do you mind if I crash under yours for awhile?"

"We started losing money right around the time we decided to just lazily remake old movies with the race or gender of the main character switched from the original." "We're burning through cash and we urgently need to course correct and try something different." "So we're going to make fresh stories with new and interesting characters?" "What?" "No."

"What do you suppose Ken Burns will have to say about all this in 30 years?"

"... and your great great grand father lost the race but the it was discovered the tortoise was on stéroids."

'And there is where you put the batteries.'

"If it really is a smartphone, why are my grades still lousy?"

"And in the beginning Mary begat a little lamb"

"Why do you automatically assume that I'll fly too close to the sun?"

'Virgil is on the gymnastics team.'

"I preferred the graphic novel of the origin story of the original prequel."

'And when I was fifteen, I ran away from the circus to join an accounting firm.'

"So, did Little Red Riding Hood have really bad eyesight or something?"

Reality TV

Jekyll and Heidi.