School Security Officer Pillows

"If you're not doing anything wrong, there's nothing to worry about."

'The halcyon days of an apple for the teacher are a distant memory.'

"Parents now using gang names on birth certificates...interesting."

"Take a note...holding notebooks upside down is a new fad with gang members."

"Boys, this is Mr. Harold, the school's new gang activity monitor."

"I'm sorry, Mr. Bermudez. Baldo was playing 'Rock-Paper-Scissors'...it was wrongly interpreted as gang hand signals. At this school, all forms of hostile hand signals have been banned."

"He's not here to keep someone from breaking in. He's here to keep students from breaking out!"

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

'The fun begins when we go through airport security.'

"One more time, Mr Claus - who sold you the data?"

'You know too much,'

Airport Security.

"This is probably not the time to admit I only joined the force because I figured we'd just be chasing cat burglars."

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

TSA Noah

"Jimmy, I want you to meet our new safety officer."

'You're right. Our old safety files have become a safety concern.'

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

Dogs stealing cat food - Vice Squad orders 'Stay!'

'Nobody ever before had took much notice of Granny's homemade flour-sack bloomers.'

The Scanner Of Love.

"I suppose you want the rest of the day off!"

Privacy Conference Security

OK! I promise that the questions will be easy!

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

Scarecrows guarding a field

"So, Mr Canary, I see you have experience as a mine safety specialist..."

"So, how was your day at work, Dear?"

Attack of the Underwear Bomber

'The bigger they are... The harder they hit!'

Updated Stories. The Wicked Witch Of The West Tries A New Tactic To Get The Ruby Slippers. Security Checkpoint. Remove your shoes, please.

"I spy with my little eye…"

European Union Health and Safety Direcorate rules

"Thanks for considering me for the job as head of cybersecurity, but I already hacked into your network and gave myself the job."