School Security Enthusiast Pillows

'This biometric ID badge is part of the school's new security system. The badge contains y encoded retinal scan, fingerprints and level of job enthusiasm.'

'Where was the TSA?'

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

"Coronavirus, masks requirements, falling test scores, student violence - we need to be able to pray in school!"

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

"We've created a safe, nonjudgmental environment that will leave you child ill-prepared for real life."

"All it will do is move crime to the South Pole."

"Sorry kid, I work alone."

CCTV in church.

"Some fine day, my son, all this will be yours."

The Ayatollah Bomb?

"Rest assured, anything you say in this office won't get repeated by me."

'This biometric ID badge is part of the new security system. The badge contains my encoded retinal scan, fingerprints, and level of job enthusiasm.'

'Knowledge is the ultimate weapon. Next!'

"Fifth robbery this week. That's not a security camera ??" a local TV news station installed it to save time."

"If you're my gramma you wouldn't have a problem consenting to a retina scan!"

Adopt your wireless home security system today!

'Your father installed a security system.'

'Don't worry -- the security camera is for your own protection.'

The prime minister: the current threat to national security...

'Principal McWit, a student without an appointment is here and says he's holding your computer access codes for ransom.'

'Someone is reading our emails. I'm afraid this means we're going to have to talk to each other.'

'They take patient privacy so seriously around here they encrypt your name!'

All items on the premises have been marked for identification: 'My cat sprayed everything in the house.'

'This fridge is fitted with CCTV.'

'It even has its own built-in home security system!'

'Halt! User name and password.'

'You're right, good joke, bad timing...'

ACL-To Hell With-U.