School_security_seeker Pillows

School was cancelled. The metal detectors were down.

"I dunno, looks like a trap."

Will work for ETFs

Yummy Mummies

'You don't think you're just a tad overprotective?'

'I don't give advice. I'm only up here because it's safer.'

"Grandpa, tell us again about pensions!"

"Not enough money is being spent on safety, so be careful."

'Knowledge is the ultimate weapon. Next!'

"And, of course, if I were to get the job and start feeling comfortable here I'd no longer need the security blanket."

"Safe FDIC insured, guaranteed 2.65% APY...check out our new Emotional Support CDs."

'So the guidance suggests that if anyone threatens you, throw it them.'

'I'm afraid you'll have to find another way of showing how crucial you job is, Johnson!'

Redundancies

'Do you ever get this weird, primitive yearning to sit behind a large block of wood?'

A safe is about to fall on an unsuspecting man interested in risk-free investments.

Maybe next tiime you'll hand in the risk assessment on time

'You're lucky you're just a kid and don't have to worry about things like going out and getting a job when you're supposed to be retired.'

'Next time you lose the school's keys, please call a locksmith instead of using a blow torch on the door.'

"I remodelled, but I left it so that when danger threatens I can still take refuge in the redoubt."

Laboratory- risk assessor

Career counselor: 'If you want a great job, that won't be exported, get into politics.'

No tools are kept in this van over night.

"Anything in Mr, Rogers' neighborhood?"

"Ideally we're keen to go somewhere that they're not trying to kill us."

ACME, Inc. For the man who has everything. It's a home security company.

'Your assets are perfectly safe with us, it's ring fenced - and of course we reconcile regularly sir.'

Big bumpers.

Turtle crashes, deploys airbag.

"I'll have a gluten-free, hypoallergenic vegan cookie with whipped hand-sanitizer topping."

'I'm okay with this... I'm not a risktaker.'

'I don't need your love. I need a 401 (k) and health insurance.'

'At last you can put your feet up and concentrate on worrying about your pension.'

"If your instincts tell you to go out in a shark infested ocean then go. My instincts are sending me to a nice little aquarium out in the suburbs."

'Dont' operate any rocks or sticks while you're using this medication.'