School Progress Review Gifts

'Mistakes were made...'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"It's clear to me that you want to go far with this company."

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

'We're making progress. I just got a firm 'maybe'.'

'We like your zip-a-dee. You need to work on your dooh-dah.'

'I'm not happy with his latest school photo.'

"We need to change, but WHEN?"

I'm not making enough money to like you.

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.

'If sales don't improve incrementally... our business outlook will change excrementally...'

"Listen Herb, once you become the boss and decide who gets a raise, then you can have a raise."

"Gosh, I can't believe it's been over 25 years since our company was dragged, kicking and screaming, into the digital age!"

Sales chart plummets into employees head.

'Last year we increased sales by 100%.'

"I can't sit down. Don't you remember? I worked my butt off for you."

'Ask yourself, 'What is it I'm not doing?', and then ask yourself, 'What is it I'm doing too much?'.'

Sales - "Any other suggestion besides getting a bigger chart?"

'I wrote a software program and sold it for two million dollars.'

Targets.

"You need to stand up for yourself, or at least sit up straight."

"He's my school project for science class."

"A great quarter always puts the old man in a jocular mood."

'It appears you've done a wonderful job...of not getting fired.'

"No annual raises, but I will 'like' all your hard work on Facebook."

"Try not to think of them just as a 'customer' but rather as your only chance of paying your mortgage and putting food on your plate."

"I don't know whether your tired, anxious, nervous, or whatever. But it looks like a clear case of performance anxiety."

Business Target

"On reflection i think i could have coped with just 340' feedback."

Performance management: "We decided to get rid of the carrot and keep the stick."

"Make yourself comfortable so that we can discuss your raise."

'Looks like the perfect time to bring in our profit sharing scheme.'

'I think I found the bottleneck, Boss.'

"Gosh, 'inept' seems so harsh. Personally, I prefer the term 'productivity-challenged!'"

'Yes,we have equal pay in that we are grossly underpaid, all of us.'