School Parent Gifts

'Don't patronize me. We both know I could do better. Why do you always have to be so hypocritical?'

"Mom, please shake my chair. I'm taking a virtual school bus ride before class begins."

"That's our house, that's Mommy going to work, and that's you, staring out the window, wondering where it all went wrong."

"Can you juggle a household, three kids, and a career?"

"Don't listen to her! She's a cuckoo: what would she know about parenting?!"

"We're going to have to think outside the box to boost sales, minion."

'Child labor laws don't apply to homework, Jimmy.'

'Spelling, math, history, geography --now the stupid school wants me to take a polygraph test!'

"Yes, Donald, I know you didn't expect a test today... that's why it's called a pop quiz!"

'Here's another email from a parent, written in lower case with no punctuation and seventeen spelling errors, demanding we do a better job of teaching social skills.'

'We just figured that with the kids travelling so much for soccer, it made more sense to sell our house and get an RV.'

'How did our summer vacation turn intoa summer job??'

Mrs. Tree? A hockey ball hit your daughter. It's likely just a bad bruise. Whew! Though there could be a fracture, nerve damage or fatal blood clots. What? Don't worry. Our medical advisor is evaluating Twig right now. Can you sign this liability waiver? Her hand seems fine. Team lawyer.

"Do you really use all of the stuff on this school supply list?"

'When I want to watch a realistic comedy about a working mom, I'll look in the mirror.'

'You expect me to play with educational toys during SUMMER VACATION?'

Where did Mommy go? Turtle Peekaboo.

"Lemme guess: You forgot the basil Mom asked for, and my ice cream is in your briefcase?"

'Sorry I'm late -- the Principal held me for questioning.'

'Are you sure I should read my book report to the class? --�It's PG-13.'

"Look what I found in the garage! My old music speakers!"

"Our training on managing a work life balance is running late so you'll need to get someone to pick your kids up."

'Congratulations. It's a latch key kid.'

'It wasn't my fault. They asked me about things that happened before I was born.'

With their only child off to college, the Gilmonts each suffered empty-nest syndrome in their own way.

"Tough time getting out of the house this morning?"

"Go join your coach and the rest of your team. I'll be watching from the bar."

'You expect me to play with educational toys during SUMMER VACATION?'

"What is the battle cry for homeschoolers?" Kids: "Go Home!"

'Alert the troops I'm going back to work.'

"If she's going to be off school for a while, we need to make sure she's not stuck in the house all day."

'I didn't do my homework because I forgot my user name and password.'

"Daddy, I'm all grown up now, and I'm leaving to start a life of my own."

"Jimmy Jones' parents allow him to be home schooled by Google."

'You have to stay after school because you got caught in the hall without a pass? But you're homeschooled!'