Parent Of A School Kid Gifts

'The dog kinda ate my homework. He deleted it off my hard drive.'

'You never compliment me when it's tidy so I figured you wouldn't notice when it's a tip!'

I understand that our cat Magus died. I miss her a lot. But I wish my parents wouldn't tiptoe around it. House of Java.net Cybercafe. You don't have to watch Youtube clips of CSI: Miami to understand that death is a part of life. The thing I don't understand about our cat's death is, who would've killed her and left a mountain of unresolved clues that only a crack forensics team can figure out? Where were you at 8:45 p.m.? The Youtube Generation grows up fast.

"What can I say? Second grade just hasn't lived up to the hype."

'Child labor laws don't apply to homework, Jimmy.'

"Yes, Donald, I know you didn't expect a test today... that's why it's called a pop quiz!"

'Spelling, math, history, geography --now the stupid school wants me to take a polygraph test!'

'Here's another email from a parent, written in lower case with no punctuation and seventeen spelling errors, demanding we do a better job of teaching social skills.'

Early Night Club

Lemonade 5c Sugar Free: 'It sure is!'

Kindergarten Primary School Teacher

"Do you really use all of the stuff on this school supply list?"

"Sure you can see my report card but I'll have to charge you for shipping and handling."

'Are you sure I should read my book report to the class? --�It's PG-13.'

'Sorry I'm late -- the Principal held me for questioning.'

'It wasn't my fault. They asked me about things that happened before I was born.'

"Higher learning gets higher each year."

'I can't decide if I want to play the Toblerone or the Jello.'

'I didn't do my homework because I forgot my user name and password.'

"The bully at school keeps calling me a snowflake."

Mom and child visit principal who has a sign on the door - Nap Time.

No caption. (Adult and male child are standing side by side. The adult has an angel and devil on each shoulder, and the child has a devil and a Santa.)

"Today in school we studied the great works of antiquity - the pyramids, the coliseum, the abandoned shopping mall on Route 6."

'I need a helping hand.'

'In order to cut down disruption in my class I've asked my students not to wear any gang, club, team, or group colours, insignias, patches, etc.'

'There goes my part as a wise man in the Christmas pageant.'

'I ate some modeling clay in school today. It's okay, they're not going to make me pay for it...'

'He's doing so much better, lugging that backpack to school, since we started him on steroids.'

Suddenly Kip hit an area not marked on his Creaky Board Floor Map. The curfew police would both be sympathetic.

"Self-isolation used to be fun when it was my decision."

'Don't patronize me. We both know I could do better. Why do you always have to be so hypocritical?'

My mother signed my progress report, but the signature got smudged by her tears.

Forgotten Gym Kit.

Convenience, security and a whole lot of fun. Power windows for the home.

"Third grade is supposed to be temporary, son. Remember that."