School Maintenance Gifts

"I noticed he had punched air holes in his desk. Now I'm afraid to open it."

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

"These colder temperatures always cause my tire pressure to drop—it's a good thing I stopped to check." Peter finally grows up.

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

Neighbor Leaf Wars

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

'Your classroom management techniques work in practice but not in theory. That worries me.'

"May I skip the usual Show & Tell and try to hustle some merch?"

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

Home De-Po. Things you need for your project. Things you didn't know you needed until you were halfway through your project.

"We've created a safe, nonjudgmental environment that will leave you child ill-prepared for real life."

Teacher's Inbox: In One Ear/Out The Other

Lazy plumber.

"If you need anything in the building, just call the super. This is the only known photo of him."

'If you could roll up your sleeves, go behind the screen and plaster the wall.'

Religious Maintenance: 24 Hr Callout.

'Knowledge is the ultimate weapon. Next!'

"Hello. I'm here to install the new pastor."

"Go back! The place is full of mold!"

'Do you feel as foolish as I do, having a conference with Billy's teaching machine?'

'I think our mission statement should mention scholarship and attendance.'

"Larry does all his own stunts."

Horse Clean-up

Books on running a successful school,

"How do we make sure the students' voices are heard, but get them to be quiet at the same time?"

Lawn mower - must get longer cable

"It's times like this I wish I was ore than just an armchair plumber."

Sharon's more of a do-it-yourselfer.

"Remember when I told you rust might become a problem in the future?"

"I knew there'd be pitfalls when I became a teacher, but thirty to a classroom is too many."

Conan the Custodian.

"I want you to know that the school board is very pleased with your efforts to make this new budget work."

"Am I rusting? I think one of my sections is sinking. Oh, no! I thought I heard the gate squeak."

Before she disciplined a student, Principal Helen Edelman played recordings of previous visitors to her office.