School Maintenance Pillows

"I noticed he had punched air holes in his desk. Now I'm afraid to open it."

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

"These colder temperatures always cause my tire pressure to drop—it's a good thing I stopped to check." Peter finally grows up.

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

Neighbor Leaf Wars

'Your classroom management techniques work in practice but not in theory. That worries me.'

"May I skip the usual Show & Tell and try to hustle some merch?"

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

"We've created a safe, nonjudgmental environment that will leave you child ill-prepared for real life."

Teacher's Inbox: In One Ear/Out The Other

Lazy plumber.

'If you could roll up your sleeves, go behind the screen and plaster the wall.'

Religious Maintenance: 24 Hr Callout.

"If you need anything in the building, just call the super. This is the only known photo of him."

'Knowledge is the ultimate weapon. Next!'

"Hello. I'm here to install the new pastor."

"Go back! The place is full of mold!"

'Do you feel as foolish as I do, having a conference with Billy's teaching machine?'

'I think our mission statement should mention scholarship and attendance.'

"Larry does all his own stunts."

Horse Clean-up

Books on running a successful school,

"How do we make sure the students' voices are heard, but get them to be quiet at the same time?"

Lawn mower - must get longer cable

"It's times like this I wish I was ore than just an armchair plumber."

Conan the Custodian.

"I knew there'd be pitfalls when I became a teacher, but thirty to a classroom is too many."

"I want you to know that the school board is very pleased with your efforts to make this new budget work."

"No, your laptop turning red isn't a new, cool feature. It's red because it's hot. When is the last time you cleaned it?"

Cleaning service on skates.

"Am I rusting? I think one of my sections is sinking. Oh, no! I thought I heard the gate squeak."