School Counselor Gifts

"I'm disappointed too. Skims right over all the important stuff like psychological development, morality, relationship skills, emotional and personal growth?"

"Should we put down what we think is right, or what we think you think is right?"

Ethics exam cheater.

"That's my survival kit. It has a meditation tape, aspirin and rose-coloured glasses."

"We're taking our standardized tests today. So relax, take your time, and remember, the fate of the world as we know it...is riding on your scores."

"Isn't it more important to learn how to be a decent human being?"

'We'll discuss your misbehavior in a moment Billy, but in the meantime, why don't you help yourself to a nice piece of candy?'

'Students who major in these subjects have a 7% less chance of moving back in with their parents after graduation.'

"Why in the world do they call this approach 'cooperative learning'?"

"Oh, heavens no. I was merely speaking figuratively when I said that I wanted to break every bone in his body."

Li'l Bill meets destiny.

'Ms. Green, I'm reviewing our school's latest standardized test scores. Please send in a grief counselor.'

Apathy support group - no one turns up.

'A-D-D...are these your grades or your diagnosis?'

"The Langmore Regional High School Inner Debate Team"

'This school does have a bit of a problem with cyberbullying.'

We'll now take a minute for silent meditation.

"We've created a safe, nonjudgmental environment that will leave you child ill-prepared for real life."

"But grades aren't the only way to measure learning outcomes."

"I can't believe a mother was jailed because of her kid's truancy."

"Bobby's not learning anything and he's very disruptive in class, but his self-esteem is in great shape!"

'Please pay attention. Pretend I'm a movie on your phone.'

Students with backpacks walk in front of doors marked School Counselor, School Nurse, and School Chiropractor.

'We're doing the right thing, Bob, Let Andy solve problems with bullies at school his own way,,,'

'Just because everyone applauded when you dropped your lunch tray in the cafeteria, doesn't mean that you should pursue a career in show business.'

"Before we go on to division, does anybody want to share any feelings about multiplication?"

We realise you do better on your I.Q. tests than you do in anything else, but you just cannot major in I.Q.

"I had three 'panic attack' cases today, two first graders and a rookie teacher."

'It's your headmaster, Fatty. He's worried you're being bullied at school.'

School Recycling Area

"I can always tell when the kids go back to school. Everyone is so happy and relaxed."

'The school counselor says I have well-developed motor skills. Will you bring me a car?'

'You're FLUNKING me? - Doesn't SENIORITY count for anything around here?'

Student Body Socialization Program: '...and it could become very traumatic out there today, when we start forcing the cliques to intermingle.'

'My mother signed my report card but it got smudged by her tears.'