Educational Counseling Gifts

"Your S.A.T. score was 13. Have you considered clown college?"

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

Ethics exam cheater.

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

Licensed Therapist

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

"My answers could be right. Your quiz just asked the wrong questions."

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

"I had all the right answers, but I had them in the wrong order."

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

Culture Saturday

"Eventually, you have to stop visualizing yourself doing well on the test, and actually do the test."

'This has been a drill. Had this been an actual test you would have been instructed...'

'I got 100 in school today. 50 in history and 50 in maths.'

'...when did you first get these feelings of wanting to be a psychiatrist?'

"We first met on the net. We began to court, but between my foul mouth and Wilson being on the rebound...let's just say it was a long shot, but he pressed, and I was defenseless. Now, we're as 'hoopy' as can be."

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"What do you want to talk about first...the kleptomania or the hoarding?"

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

'Another football scholarship offer?'

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

"The Langmore Regional High School Inner Debate Team"

Try Mediation

''C-minus'? ??" Do you know how long it took me to find and download this term paper?'

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

"I scream! You scream! I can't stop the screaming!"

I want to rip out our lawn and plant a wild meadow. And I want lost of well-mown grass. What do you recommend? Nursery open. Just a sec. I'll check with my dad. No way! Tree's Tree Nursery. I'm not suggesting a marriage counselor!

"In economics, I got an IOU."

My Brother Al once went through a period of depression, your honor. He would just sit around in his robe all day. Then his psychiatrist got him out of his funk. Would you like to have his doctor's phone number? ? ?