Educational Counseling Gifts

"Your S.A.T. score was 13. Have you considered clown college?"

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

Ethics exam cheater.

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

Licensed Therapist

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"My answers could be right. Your quiz just asked the wrong questions."

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

"I had all the right answers, but I had them in the wrong order."

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

Culture Saturday

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

'This has been a drill. Had this been an actual test you would have been instructed...'

"Eventually, you have to stop visualizing yourself doing well on the test, and actually do the test."

'I got 100 in school today. 50 in history and 50 in maths.'

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"We'll always have couples therapy."

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

'Another football scholarship offer?'

'...when did you first get these feelings of wanting to be a psychiatrist?'

"The Langmore Regional High School Inner Debate Team"

Try Mediation

''C-minus'? ??" Do you know how long it took me to find and download this term paper?'

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

"In economics, I got an IOU."

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."