Student Counseling Gifts

"He doesn't like dinosaurs."

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

Ethics exam cheater.

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

Licensed Therapist

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

"Eventually, you have to stop visualizing yourself doing well on the test, and actually do the test."

'This has been a drill. Had this been an actual test you would have been instructed...'

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

'Another football scholarship offer?'

"We'll always have couples therapy."

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

U of Debt

'...when did you first get these feelings of wanting to be a psychiatrist?'

"The Langmore Regional High School Inner Debate Team"

Try Mediation

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

"In economics, I got an IOU."

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

'Great Therapy!'

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'