Student Counseling Gifts

"He doesn't like dinosaurs."

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

Ethics exam cheater.

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

Licensed Therapist

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"Eventually, you have to stop visualizing yourself doing well on the test, and actually do the test."

'This has been a drill. Had this been an actual test you would have been instructed...'

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

'Another football scholarship offer?'

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

U of Debt

"What do you want to talk about first...the kleptomania or the hoarding?"

"We first met on the net. We began to court, but between my foul mouth and Wilson being on the rebound...let's just say it was a long shot, but he pressed, and I was defenseless. Now, we're as 'hoopy' as can be."

"We'll always have couples therapy."

'...when did you first get these feelings of wanting to be a psychiatrist?'

"The Langmore Regional High School Inner Debate Team"

Try Mediation

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

"I scream! You scream! I can't stop the screaming!"

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"In economics, I got an IOU."

I want to rip out our lawn and plant a wild meadow. And I want lost of well-mown grass. What do you recommend? Nursery open. Just a sec. I'll check with my dad. No way! Tree's Tree Nursery. I'm not suggesting a marriage counselor!

'Great Therapy!'

My Brother Al once went through a period of depression, your honor. He would just sit around in his robe all day. Then his psychiatrist got him out of his funk. Would you like to have his doctor's phone number? ? ?