College Counselor Gifts

'I want to go out of town so that I can become a fully independent person, but near enough so that I can bring my laundry home.'

'With your liberal arts background, you should be able to walk into any employer's office and say with the utmost confidence, 'Wherefore art thou, Romeo?''

"I was the first in my family to lie about going to college."

College of Arts and Sciences (and a few things to fall back on).

'I started a whole new business, Mom! Kids are paying me to complete their college applications.'

"It was a party school."

"And now Adrian is going to do a couple of P.S.A.T. practice pages for us."

'I'm not unsympathetic, but there's just not much we can do for people who run away from college.'

"Gracie, don't worry. I created a college fund for you the day after you were born. I figure by the time you're 18, it'll total $28,000."

"I'm shocked and appalled at fraudulent applicants bribing their way in here!"

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

Ethics exam cheater.

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

"Staff support"

'I have this fear of the real world...'

Kiosk in large lobby with sign above it labeled 'Empathy'.

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

'Look, you can only do so much!'

'The BOSS sent me down to help rebuild your faith.'

Licensed Therapist

"My emotional support dog ate my comfort food."

America, are we learning anything?

"This is nice … let’s not hop again tomorrow."

"I dunno, I guess I just don't believe in myself anymore."

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

Bob had to confront his fear of butterflies.

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

"At times I wonder what I've done with my life that makes me worth being saved."