Academic Counselor Gifts

'I'll need the S.A.T.'s, G.E.D.'s and A.C.T.'s, ASAP...'

"I guess there've been more staff cuts than we thought."

'I wanted to ask you about life-experience credit.'

"Pay no attention to those folks....just concentrate on the music!"

"I have to decide if I'm taking that advanced English class next semester. This is one of those big decisions that could have a huge impact on the rest of my life. It could change me forever! You know what that means?"

"This grade doesn't fit into my five-year plan!"

'It's okay - we're in a safe space.'

'If you aren't careful, son, you'll be mathematically eliminated from all of the Ivy League schools.'

'Even polymaths, Rodney, have to choose a major.'

'Yes, we teach it here, but I doubt if 'Women's Studies' is what you think it is.'

"Isn't Gracie getting a little old for bedtime stories?"

"Talk about pressure. My parent's started a college fund."

Ethics exam cheater.

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'As a beginning teacher, you know you come here prepared to teach and become a good teacher. As you gain experience, you will learn that you also come here to care and become a great teacher.'

"Oh, stop it. You are not at all obtuse." Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.

"I had all the right answers, but I had them in the wrong order."

Continuing education.

'This has been a drill. Had this been an actual test you would have been instructed...'

"Eventually, you have to stop visualizing yourself doing well on the test, and actually do the test."

'BANG' and a cosmology institute appears.

"The Langmore Regional High School Inner Debate Team"

"In economics, I got an IOU."

I'm getting ready to apply for college. Do you have a list of party schools?

'Jerry's 'old school'.'

"The day at school? Oh, you know, the usual psychological and educational stew."

"We hardly ever intercept hard copy notes anymore, Stanley."

'In Show and Tell today, I showed my birthmark! I got expelled!'

Something tells me it's not going to be a good school report!

"Should we put down what we think is right, or what we think you think is right?"

Li'l Bill meets destiny.

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

'We'd like to form a support group for homework anxiety.'

'You don't have to worry about my future any more -- I just downloaded an entire college education!'

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'