Scholarship Sleuth Gifts

As the Fleegersons approached the college's financial aid office, a strange force overcame Dan's wallet and Carol's handbag,

British savings accounts

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

Continuing education.

'Another football scholarship offer?'

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

"Look, Professor - a stegosaurus!"

'It's not for myself, you understand."

"Wait a sec, I have a coupon around here somewhere."

Bribes for Jabs

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

"So much for password protected."

'The best grants lie that-a-ways, Ma'am.'

"Dad, wouldn't my allowance be better off earning interest in a tax free municipal bond fund?"

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

If at first you don't succeed call it version 1.0

"Unfortunately, what you downloaded from the net is a ten-year-old paper I once wrote for my college boyfriend!"

IRS, 'I think we should audit this one, sir -- his signature looks shaky.'

Scenes we'd most like to see...

It's college orientation time. The brain cell is attending an elite academic university, and the hormones and endorphins are going to party schools. The muscle cell earned an athletic scholarship. And it looks like the DNA molecule has already picked a major. The DNA has life planned out. It's chemically active down there. The individual atoms are excited, but also seem a bit sad. Of course! Going off to college is an emotional time for them. Old bonds are breaking and new ones are bein

'OKAY, okay Sandra, I'll PAY for your University course. But it BETTER NOT cost me an arm and a leg!...'

Morton's pride was understandable. He was the first in the Pinhead Family to ever graduate.

Pinara fund

IRS agent to professor scrutinizing tax return under microscope: 'Still looking for that tax loophole, professor?'

"There is a medical use for marijuana. I sold it to pay my tuition at medical school."

'It's something to do with a Microsoft copyright infringement.'

"You call yourselves a demographic?"

'It's a private school. Can't say which one, it's private.'

"...Software upgrade provides a seamless transition from simple functionality to multi-platform confusion, chaos and frustration..."

Popular college book: How to say 'Send money' in 101 languages.

"Light at the end of the tunnel!"

'That's all there is in my college fund? That won't even buy the beer!'

'I suspected hackers when it accepted all the student scholarship applications.'

"I've been told to go through all our expenses...cut out any fat, get rid of any costly perks!"