Stimulus Sleuth Gifts

'I think it's related to tapering.'

British savings accounts

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

'Let's just wait here until the federal stimulus returns.'

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

"Look, Professor - a stegosaurus!"

'It's not for myself, you understand."

"Wait a sec, I have a coupon around here somewhere."

"Excuse me, Professor. I think I might have spotted a flaw in your theory!"

"I need to self isolate. . . but I thought I'd better come in and see you first!"

'The dog ate my homework -- I thought maybe you could X-ray him.'

"So much for password protected."

Roentgen tries to figure out what he's discovered.

"Dad, wouldn't my allowance be better off earning interest in a tax free municipal bond fund?"

'Of students surveyed, 64% prefer English and 32% prefer math. The fact that these numbers do not add up to 100 may help explain why.'

"Perkins! What have you gone and done now...??"

"This is where things started getting really weird."

"Essentially Wilkins proves things and Brenner disproves them."

Medical Library - Large books with really revolting photographs

IRS, 'I think we should audit this one, sir -- his signature looks shaky.'

'Hey, it's that peeping Tom again, the one who has no respect for privacy.'

Newton's Law and Order.

IRS agent to professor scrutinizing tax return under microscope: 'Still looking for that tax loophole, professor?'

Undercover Biophysicists

'We couldn't give away black-and-white TVs until we started advertising them as having 'non multi-color capability'.'

"According to stomach content analysis he'll be dead in half an hour."

GM Crops Genie.

Galileo describes his discoveries to the church (and gets hit over the head by the bishop/pope with the telescope that he made the discoveries with).

The Animal Researcher Reports...'I've been watching this herd of cattle for seven years, and to be frank, I haven't seen them do anything yet!'

Spy Satellite

'How come the rabbit didn't have good luck with the foot?'

'She didn't notice it was a wolf and not her grandma?? Had grandma never heard of electrolysis??'

Schrodingers cat at the vets

'Trying to steal secrets again, Dr. Figowitz?'

'It's Yorick all right - I know his DNA well.'