Signature Sleuth Gifts

'Excellent sir! Your signature is now completely illegible.'

'Please sign this.. it absolves me from any future litigation.'

IRS, 'I think we should audit this one, sir -- his signature looks shaky.'

'We'd appreciate it, Mr. Franklin, if you'd stop signing your checks 'Poor Richard.''

'It's not for myself, you understand."

Dr. [Squiggle] specializing in [squiggle].

"We'll have to verify your doctor's signature, which looks like a generic signature."

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

"Sign my yearbook?"

$1: Family Secrets

Clickbait

'Should I just hit 'reply to all' and save the government the trouble?'

If at first you don't succeed call it version 1.0

"Hacking and eavesdropping are my top skills. I guess you could say I'm a good listener."

The Modern Godot

'We couldn't give away black-and-white TVs until we started advertising them as having 'non multi-color capability'.'

'It's something to do with a Microsoft copyright infringement.'

"...Software upgrade provides a seamless transition from simple functionality to multi-platform confusion, chaos and frustration..."

Uncle Sam is Big Brother.

"Password must contain at least one pictograph."

"We're sure we've got the right numbers... Now we just need to work out what order to put them in!"

"Officer, someone hacked my bluetooth pressure cooker and blew my kitchen apart! What can I do?"

No, you were supposed to check the doorbell camera before lowering the drawbridge.

"Can I borrow a pen?"

'Loose lips sink principalships.'

Two men converse secretively

I'm loving the phone hacking scandal. I love it when ne'er-do-wells use technology to steal personal information. Because you like when people suffer. No. Because I love it when technology is proven as evil. Spare me. Technology is not evil. People are evil. Computers don't hack people. People hack people. Macs hack, Macs hack! You watch your mouth, filthy human! Fight, fight …

What security flaw?

'Well the GOOD news is that the new software analyzed hundreds of thousands of potential customers to identify any that would have a genuine interest in the product...'

"Why do they call this 'Traffic Calming' again...?"

'Just sign your approval for the heliport and we can both go about our business.'

'Tech support says your anti-virus software did not catch the problem since it is not a virus. It's a bacterium.'

'This model sends back a pre-recorded message to any hacker.'

"I'm all for security, but you having an 80-factor authentication may be a little over the top."