Signage Sleuth Gifts

Dogs Must Be Carried: "Well that's not fair! I haven't got a dog!"

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

'It's not for myself, you understand."

Self-Isolating. Do Not Disturb (Except For Food).

"I'm learning to live with existence."

'Unforeseeable future site of Hainesmore Industries.'

Generic Store: Sign in Window

"My guess it's guacamole."

Berries, Roots, Tubers, Stems, Leaves.

IRS, 'I think we should audit this one, sir -- his signature looks shaky.'

Beware of Everything

The Modern Godot

"It sort of makes you stop and think, doesn't it."

Uncle Sam is Big Brother.

'Okay - Let's crash that bad boy.'

"He's always been an optimist."

'Nothing on the sign says I have to have a person with me.'

'Excellent sir! Your signature is now completely illegible.'

"There - now we're environmentally responsible."

"Why do they call this 'Traffic Calming' again...?"

Private work adjustments

Left and Right: Please be consistent.

'Remember, all these security cameras are for YOUR protection...otherwise, I'd come over there and smack you.'

Metaphors.

Unpopular Street Signs: Live más, Exit, No Trespassing, No Loitering on this Property Violators Will Be Let Go.

"And WHATEVER you do DON'T FALL DOWN THE STEPS or put your finger in the ELECTRICITY socket."

"Gone for a P."

F.B.I. An equal opportunity phone tapper without regard to race, sex, or national origin.

For latent content, see your psychiatrist.

Church Parking

"Yeah, well, then you should've said merchandise or maybe contents sale, right?"