Secret Sleuth Gifts

$1: Family Secrets

'You're Steve from menswear. I read it on wikileaks.'

'I am the 'fly on the wall' you speak of. What would you like to know?'

ACME SCHOOL OF LIP READING, 'Before we begin, I'm required to warn you that there are things you're better off not knowing.'

Detective questions woman with body in hat.

"I miss the challenge of the old days, the excitement, intrigue..."

Julian Assange

Wikileaks

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

Paranormal A-Z...

"Look, Professor - a stegosaurus!"

He looks so natural lying there...

Ducks and hares taken in by a wolf at a seance

'Yes, they were using it to clean up the graffiti!'

Clickbait

He kept pretending he was going to work when he was just running errands.

"He says he's been sending you messages from beyond the grave but it's possible they're going straight into your junk folder."

'Should I just hit 'reply to all' and save the government the trouble?'

"Hacking and eavesdropping are my top skills. I guess you could say I'm a good listener."

'Looks like the victim was trying to tell us something,'

'Is it one moo for yes two moos for no?'

The Modern Godot

"The sellers recommended that I burn some sage during the tour."

Uncle Sam is Big Brother.

Lost Property - Missing Head

"I'm sensing an awkward presence."

No, you were supposed to check the doorbell camera before lowering the drawbridge.

"Light at the end of the tunnel!"

"Password must contain at least one pictograph."

"Do you see the one who possessed your soul?"

'...and where did you bury the bone?'

The response of a spirit during a seance is in fact an annoyed neighbour.

"Officer, someone hacked my bluetooth pressure cooker and blew my kitchen apart! What can I do?"

'Loose lips sink principalships.'

"...He appears to have stepped away from his body."