Schedule Disruptors Pillows

"Wait, it's Thursday? I thought it was Tuesday! The first day of the rest of my life was supposed to be Wednesday!!"

Business leader to group: 'Who's making the donkey sounds?'

"And to think all these years you've worried about some boy wonder taking over your job."

'In my experience, life is good most of the time, but come the holidays, they look at me as if I'm a nuisance...'

'Oh yeah? Well, to hell with tradition. We're building a snow woman!'

'I don't know what happened. He was hired as a consultanat, but he evolved into a kibitzer.'

'Hold my calls. I'm going out for a random walk.'

Broken since March

"Gotta go. My ten o'clock is here."

"Tuesday's out - back-to-back nanny interviews. Wednesday's potty training. I can playdate Thursday. How's 3:15?"

I'm just saying he picked a hell of a time to have a Susan Boyle moment.

'I don't want to ride you, Hawthorne, but I'd say you've got a serious attitude problem.'

"Pawn to King Four."

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz - 'How did my life get this dull?'

"Who will admit to folding the printout into a paper airplane?"

Spoonfest

"I consider myself to be a counterproductive member of society."

"If this guy doesn't wrap it up real soon, I'll reflect sunlight off my watch and set off the sprinklers."

The board meeting was quite dignified until somebody started a pie chart fight.

'Would you kindly not trumpet and simply say 'aye'?'

'They tried to GAG her but they can NEVER stop her 'dance of neglect on the ward'!'

"Look! It came pre-defaced by the artist."

A Over Crowded Office.

A man exits his house to a clapboard.

"How about one-ish? I love the way it sounds."

'The people can rest assured this committee is comprised of seasoned legislators...for the most part.'

'When you're finished laughing, perhaps you'll let me finish the joke.'

Occupy crunch

Master dog trainer.

'Ssshh! You're disturbing the class.'

'Miss Jones, those pants have got to go. I can't have my secretary looking like a boy.'

"That's the first time he's ever done anything spontaneous!"