Scaredy-cat Humorist Pillows

"Of course I'm frightened. I just thought you would be bigger."

I.T. Fear

Cat Reunion

"I only scratch up the furniture hoping they'll replace it with something more stylish."

Cat holds sign which says - Will purr for food.

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

"I loved the bit where you hid under the seat."

"Projectile hairballing."

"But some of my best ideas come while I'm in the litter box."

'Oh, this will be good! He just putted into a sand trap...our litter box.'

'I'm a lap cat. So, naturally I prefer a laptop.'

'Yeah, I'm a mouser.'

"I hate it..."

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

Litter Box Logistics Ltd.

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: The Pied Piper

'I'd like the tongue, please.'

"What SPF sunscreen do you suggest for lying around in a sunny spot?"

"Ever wonder where all those cat videos come from?"

Cat Lover's Leap.

Man asks haughty looking cat: "And how, exactly, do you qualify as a spokesman for the feline community?"

The Curiosity Mars rover is seen killing a cat: 'Mission accomplished.'

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Balloon

'Who did you have lick your hair?'

"Each of my previous books had nine editions."

'Vacuums!'

"He says he can quit anytime, but I'm starting to worry."

Cat Desk Organizers: In, Out, Eat, Sleep.

'Sometimes I like to dunk mine in a nice hot cup of coffee.'

"I'm used to embellished resumes, but claiming you can herd cats is a bit far fetched..."

101 uses of a dead cat: peg leg

Before you feed him/After you feed him.