Scapegoat Survivor Gifts

"It's so unfair, I'm blamed all the time even though it's never my fault..."

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

Caddie brings his golfer a shovel in the sand trap.

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

'Hole in one!!!!'

"It's not my fault! The Russians must have hacked my brain!"

"On second thought, mabe it would look better over there."

"The chef made some substitutions to tonight's menu. Instead of Escarots a la Bourguignonne, he's cooking hot dogs."

God in the bunker.

'It's a slow trap.'

'Honey's a real problem for me. Whenever I try to cut back, I just end up binging on campers.'

"We're going to play the boss's favorite game - 'pin the blame on the scapegoat.'"

'The escargots are underdone.'

"He took that kinda hard."

"I can recommend the snails, if you don't mind waiting."

'Aches! Pains! Fever! I'm going to call tech support.'

"I tweeted yesterday. 'Sleep with your windows open'. It was liked and shared by 2000 mosquitos."

"Before we conclude this meeting, is there anyone who needs to finish sucking up to me?"

Offering a golfer a spade.

"I hate sand traps."

Today's Special: Escargot Appetizer

The menu said this soup is recommended for mature diners, and is rated "AFS." What does that stand for? "Adult fly situations."

"Hurry up Ted, or are you going to spend all day in that bunker?"

"Did you know that cats can give paw?"

'Nutcrackers! I take it this is the first time you've had snails, sir?'

"I'm pretty sure the term is 'interface,' not 'in your face.'"

"That's not a haboob. It's Ed trying to get his ball out of a bunker."

'This is a very unforgiving golf course.'

Snail ordering 'Hommes.'

"School is a lot like life. It's hours and hours of boredom...interrupted by the occasional moment of panic."

Snail Gumball Machine.

Coping with sarcasm aimed at your toupee.

'Where's the ball? Where's the BALL!?'

'I dunno, I've never stayed up long enough to find out.'

'That's right, sir - they ate the salad.'