Sycophant Survivor Gifts

"Before we conclude this meeting, is there anyone who needs to finish sucking up to me?"

"I find it so stimulating to learn new software."

Stock market Bull & Bear financial whirlwind.

"On second thought, mabe it would look better over there."

'I must say Cringley in these days of whizz kids it's refreshing to find a good old fashioned groveller....'

'Oooh, I love what you've done with your hair...That top looks lovely on you and have you lost weight?'

Jimi Hendrix

"I'm afraid there's just so far you can go with street smarts."

Turtle Haze

"That's Sullivan. He's always kissing the boss's behind."

"Did you know that cats can give paw?"

The menu said this soup is recommended for mature diners, and is rated "AFS." What does that stand for? "Adult fly situations."

Super Bowl Monday

'I said, now I know why they call you 'Lucky'!'

'I'll be glad when the lawyer awards are over...'

A holiday maker greets a castaway

You're too young to be worrying about SAT tests. But I have to score well to get a good job someday. In the real world, no one hires people who're only good at multiple choice questions. Actually, Nana

"We've taken out a second mortgage on our first one."

"I'm raising four kids, a husband, three pets and I work. This is nothing."

By subjecting himself to increasingly higher jolts of electricity over many months, Tom hoped to become immune to lightning strikes while playing golf.

'You're going to go far in this company, Mitford...'

"Relax, eventually the scar will disappear!"

"Just admit you were wrong. I'll select the things you were wrong about."

"It's so unfair, I'm blamed all the time even though it's never my fault..."

'As you're a snivelling little 'Yes Man', Pomeroy, I know I can rely on you for the right answer... People don't think of me as an arrogant, obnoxious, overbearing boss do they?'

"Timmins, you're weak, spineless...intent on climbing the greasy pole by crawling before your superiors...you;ll do well!"

Tiptoeing around voltometers.

Man following advice on preventing sea-sickness but becoming sea-sick anyway

Sales Downturn

'Thank you for calling the Coast Guard help line. To sink, press one. To swim, press two…'

Man sees 'Back to the Eighties' poster, says "OMD!"

"A fantastic evangelist was on TV, and I sent him everything."

"Well, back to therapy."

"I missed work due to a rib injury from belly-laughing at your jokes."

'I've just sent our account details to someone wanting to send their Northern Rock funds.'