Scapegoat Artist Gifts

"It's not my fault! The Russians must have hacked my brain!"

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

Inflatable Duck Boat

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

"The chef made some substitutions to tonight's menu. Instead of Escarots a la Bourguignonne, he's cooking hot dogs."

"Listen, that's a Tang Dynasty urn we just broke."

'Now don't forget, polar bears can be sneaky buggers.'

"We're going to play the boss's favorite game - 'pin the blame on the scapegoat.'"

'The escargots are underdone.'

Statistics Research: You Can Fool 45% of the People 55% of the time, but you can't fool all the people all the time.

"These are my true colors and I don't care who know it!"

Pretending To Care

"I can recommend the snails, if you don't mind waiting."

'There must be mining occurring in this mountain.'

'Don't think of sweeping as a chore. Consider it practice for the Olympic Curling Team.'

'Try not to jerk when you come to the end of the rope.'

'It's a duet yourself project.'

'I actually find my Ghillie Suit a better camouflage option than my stripes...'

Plein Air Painting: Quarantine Edition

"Me, I work with a professional snake catcher: he drops me into people's backyards at night and waits for the call in the morning to come and catch me again..."

Space: A Venn Diagram

"Excuse me....water!!"

Today's Special: Escargot Appetizer

'Nutcrackers! I take it this is the first time you've had snails, sir?'

P.T. Barnum as a child.

Snail ordering 'Hommes.'

'Wait a minute - is there any part of this stupid bush which is NOT actually a stick insect?'

'That's right, sir - they ate the salad.'

Soldier watering his camouflage.

"It's so unfair, I'm blamed all the time even though it's never my fault..."

"Good heavens no, I haven't always been a monarch! I started as a confidence trickster."

Snail Gumball Machine.