Scams Gifts

"Do you have your pin number for the next year at the ready?"

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

"....and then it turned out that the e-mail I ignored that I got from the Nigerian bank offering me £200 million was REAL!"

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

"You have been specially selected to upload your bank details. Offer ends midnight."

"Hello, I am a Nigerian Prince and I need your help!!! Please send me $500 and your bank routing number. You will rewarded with 10% of 12.7 million dollars and my undying friendship. Best wishes, Prince John Barron."

"Here's my wallet, my phone, the key to the safe and an application form for your so-called 'mind control device.'"

Ask Sadie

'I find if I'm the first one in and the first one out, Ponzi schemes can be very lucrative.'

Dialed the number, ordered the tapes and placed hundreds of little ads. Didn't hit a snag until step four: Just sit back and rake it in.

"Didn't anyone ever warn you about opening an e-mail from someone you don't know?"

Statistics Research: You Can Fool 45% of the People 55% of the time, but you can't fool all the people all the time.

Pretending To Care

I figured out how these folks keep guaranteeing the precise day the world ends. Shhh. Keep it down. Why? It's a scam? If you read the read the fine print, they are promising that the world will begin to end that day. Could take forever. It's a no-lose scam … Shhh! What? It's scary when the world might end. There are a lot of people out there who need comforting. Women people, I presume. Women people, I presume. Who take comfort in necking. And you belittle their fears?

"I don't know man. It sounds a lot like a pyramid scheme to me."

"To verify you are the person who answered the phone, May I have your social security number and a major credit card."

Gone Phishing

"Fraud ..what fraud?... " SEC

'To be honest I generally only deal with clients by phone or email.'

Berlitz guide to Scamese

Amateur Spam.

"...and don't fall for that trunk enlargement scam."

'I need a small, temporary tax hike - I found a great investment opportunity in Nigeria.'

"Excuse me, your honor. If you could just give us a few minutes, my client would like to pitch some time shares to the jury real quick."

"Would you believe it, that pensions liberation plan was just an on-line scam..."

'Investing in a company whose website is Ponzischeme.come would raise red flags for me.'

"Me, I work with a professional snake catcher: he drops me into people's backyards at night and waits for the call in the morning to come and catch me again..."

Get rich quick giving seminars!

'So you say the cash box was stolen.'

P.T. Barnum as a child.

'But monsieur I can get it for you so cheap, all the hard work has been done, it just needs the cladding.'

"Yes, you are speaking to university admissions!"

Invisible Pups For Sale Both Parents Can Be Seen

"I paid twelve quid for this and it only mentions nine!"

STIMULUS PACKAGE ALLOCATION COMMITTEE, 'Okay, we'll take the part out about the Nigerian banker's widow.'